Why? What is wrong with our world?

Have you ever asked why the world works the way that is does? Why does is seem to function in all the wrong ways? Do you just feel like you don’t belong?

Well, you are not alone.

I’ve always considered myself the weird one. The odd ball. The black sheep. I hung out with the outcasts and outlaws and never once desired to live a normal life.

To me, I always see ways in which the system can be better. I treat people like they are real and that they matter. I dream of a day when people not only love their jobs but love their employers.

The world around me says I am asking too much. That people don’t matter, only production does. Yet, everything I know about business and how it functions is through it’s people. You need entire teams of people to run a multimillion-dollar company; accounting and HR departments, process and people management, your production staff, in addition to maintenance/grounds keepers, and any other specialized group of people the business needs.  A business cannot be successful without the people that keep it running, yet why are we treated like machinery sold to you by a dealer or cows you buy at auction?

And don’t even get me started on public high schools – they are just the cattle groomers.

But in the depths of my heart, I honestly believe this expectation of our employers and the way business is done will change. I believe society will change. I believe that younger generations feel the same way that I do, and also see that the system is flawed for no other reason than it was created to be that way. Education and business practices have barely even evolved in comparison to technology, information, and awareness of social and ethical issues.

I mean we are talking about a world suffering from climate change (whether it was caused by human activity or not – the fucking climate is changing), an opioid crisis, a drug and alcohol addiction, a youth suicide crisis, and a job satisfaction rate so low that society has succumbed to a miserable existence. And it’s not even like the “rich” have it any better. They land in some of the categories listed above too.

So why? Why is everything so wrong with the world? Why do we preach one thing but do another? When is society going to move on from its primitive ways and start doing things because they can – not because they have to? When will people start helping each other and showing compassion for our neighbors?

I could go on all day with questions of when, why, and where; but what’s the point?

Am I beaten down? A little. Am I defeated? Not even a little bit. I will get knocked down 100x over again, but in order to get knocked down, I have to get back up again. If there is one skill in life that I intend to cultivate it will be the ability to start again. Things are only final when I say they are. I until the day I die, I will soldier on.

Dear Best Friend,

Today was the day you were finally ready to talk again. Today you finally confronted me about my actions. Today you finally called me out. I am so very proud and disappointed.

As our friendship has grown over the years I have been so incredibly honored to get to know you and share myself with you. You were and still are one of the few people that know the true me, so it hurts a little bit to write these words.

The crumble of our relationship was a long time coming. Your flaws had been pointed out to me from the very beginning. I suppose it was my fault for thinking you could overcome them.

I know I wasn’t the best or even perfect one, but I was a damn honest one. I can be rude, blunt, annoying, and even conceited. I am just as flawed and will continue to be, but did it really have to go down like this?

I want you to know that I love you and support you. I hope one day you will look back and appreciate the time we had together.

But when push came to shove, I knew the moment I said those words that what we had was gone forever. You couldn’t see what I saw and while I tried to make you see, you simply just didn’t want to.

As I have learned so much this year – you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. You didn’t want my help and I couldn’t stand by and enable you.

I hope we both have learned a lesson or two from this experience. Because if we don’t, then what was all that time for?

As Baz Luhrman once said, “Friends come and go, but for a precious few that shall hold on.”

 

Turning My Weakness into a Superpower

I have been on a journey of self-actualization. One that has culminated over the years to this very moment. The moment in which I take all my frustrations, lack of action, and dreams and do something about it.

The problem began when I started to become frustrated with my day job. I set high expectations of myself and my employer and was routinely disappointed. I began to think that I cared too much. It was just a run-of-the-mill production job but I couldn’t disconnect. I wanted to grow and develop myself and the team of peers I had the pleasure of working with every day. But that future wasn’t in the cards for me.

So there I sat, at the young age of 23 years old, staring down at a dead end job. A job, that despite my best efforts, didn’t want me to care about growing and developing myself. One that left me frustrated and upset at the end of the day. One that was slowly driving me crazy. So what did I do?

I took action. I am taking action. I have fantasized for months about what my dream life would look like. About how I could work from home and pursue a career in reading, writing, and proofreading. How I could take control of my life and finances. About how I could take what I was beginning to think was a flaw and turn it into my superpower.

This is me. The girl who cares too much. I don’t half-heart anything. I am an all-in or not-at-all kind of person. Either I fall deeply in love with the job or assignment I’m doing or I hate it.

I refuse to settle for less. I’m done with being normal. I don’t have the patience to wonder and fantasize about what ifs and what could be. I am here now and I care.

Valentine’s Day Surprise

I not big on Valentine’s Day and all of its obnoxious traditions but this is a story worth sharing.
So couple of quick facts: My hubby and I have never been big flower people, it’s just not us. We like being different like that. Also, we have been revamping our home with smart devices like our doorbell which has a camera in it.
The Story:
So about 3 p.m. this afternoon I get a notification that someone is ringing the bell. This is a bit unusual as we don’t have unexpected guests often. Also, the camera in the doorbell snaps a photo when rung which allowed me to see the flowers in the unexpected guest was carrying. My sister recently moved in and is kind of seeing someone so I naturally assumed they were for her. I texted her, we talk about how cute it was she got flowers and I went on with the rest of my day.

Browsing through social media I couldn’t help but notice everyone bragging about the flowers they got. During a routine stop at the gas station on my way home from work, I decided to buy a single rose for my husband in a flipping-the-script kind of move.
So I get home and am excited to present my rose, which I do and my sister goes down to her room to bring up the flowers she received. All three of us: my husband, my sister, and I talking about her flowers and how pretty they are and smell and suddenly I notice the name tag on the flowers says Becka. Literally, the first question out of my mouth was “why is my name on this (and spelled correctly)?” My sister immediately responds with “he told me to lie!” And that is the story about how my husband managed to surprise me with flowers on Valentine’s day. ❤🌹

TLDR; Husband bought flowers for Valentine’s which was completely unexpected and he used my sister to pull off the surprise. I bought him a single red rose. He bought me a full bouquet of Lavender Roses.

P.S. please excuse my 10-hr work shift appearance.

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Small Wins

February 13, 2019

Today I share with you some small wins of which include: working a 12-hr shift today, going all day (really all week) without a soda – I have a terrible Coke addiction, I have been learning and applying new marketing methods, and last but not least the sun came out today.

I stop today to acknowledge these wins because some days I feel like I can never do enough, that I always could have done more. And while that may be true I think it is important to acknowledge the things I did accomplish.

I started this journey in November, the weekend of Black Friday and it is both crazy and humbling to see how far I’ve come. I possess a happiness I didn’t know was possible and renewed dreams and goals that I aspire to achieve. I may not change the world, but I will make my name known.

My vision started small with a simple desire to proofread. To be able to work with self-publishing authors to help them polish their manuscript so that when they published it would be perfect. Since then my vision has grown. I dream of writing my own self-help guides, producing a podcast, and continuing to consult authors on their self-publishing journey. I want to write a blog and connect with more people and just make a living doing something I love.

I never would have imagined even 6 months ago where I would be now. But yet just days away from my 23rd birthday and I’m starting to realize maybe this crazy dream of mine isn’t so crazy after all.

Book Review – Driven By Fire by Eden Rayna

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February 8, 2019

This week, while battling the Midwest winter, I read Driven By Fire to help keep me warm. I really enjoyed this contemporary Canadian romance that helped seal the deal on my Canadian love-affair.

This hot and steamy romance follows the story of a girl named Piper who is leaving her lying, cheating boyfriend after leaving her life and career behind to live with him out in the middle-of-nowhere-Canada for the past 5 years. It is obvious Piper is suffering from some doubt and regret as she finally found the courage to leave the man that has stolen years from her. After packing her bag she takes off down the highway into the one-horse-town just down the road to the only motel around for miles. The same hotel in which her best friend works the night shift. On her way there she contemplates her situation and what she will do next, until a semi-driver comes up behind her and creepily follows her into town.

What she didn’t know is that the creepy truck driver was just trying to make sure she was safe and trying to offer her a ride into town. Of course, she doesn’t quite see it that way and chooses to run to the hotel seeking solace from the familiarity of her best friend instead.

The story quickly progresses and Piper begins to realize that maybe the new trucker isn’t such a bad guy after all – including his killer Silver Fox looks. One thing leads to another, and before we know it, Piper and her new friend Brandon are getting hot and heavy.

I really enjoyed this story and the seclusion it offered, being set in the oil fields in Northern Canada. I loved getting to know these characters and what motivates them. Piper had a lot of reflecting to do in order to figure out who she is again. She persistently acknowledges that she isn’t ready for another relationship, especially so soon after exiting her last one. It doesn’t stop the reader from hoping that she gives love a try anyway.

Overall I was very pleased with this story. I am excited to see what Eden Rayna will do next and if she has more hot and heavy Canadian romances in the works. I would love to dive deeper into this world with Piper and Danielle, Brandon and Kirk, and see how their relationships develop.

I also really loved that this story had a small theme of doing what you love and don’t let anyone hold you back from achieving your dreams. Yeah, mistakes happen and sometimes we make choices we regret, but there is a lesson in everything we do. I was more than happy to see both Piper and Brandon chase after their dreams.

Read for yourself for free on Kindle Unlimited.

Support the Author! Leave a Review! Follow Eden on social media: Facebook and Instagram! Check out her website for upcoming releases!

Surviving a Blizzard?

February 5, 2019

Have you ever been in a Wisconsin snowstorm, mentally and physically? No? Well, I a have and let me tell you about it! It is exciting, thrilling, scary, possibly life-changing, cold and wet.

So my day started off pretty normal. I mean I got up before my alarm which isn’t normal but it was productive, which allowed me to respond to clients and check on my business. At my day job, I was ready to finish up my projects from the day before and move on to the next tasks. I was trucking along -as I like to say- pretty good throughout the day, getting caught up to where I should be even if it’s not necessarily where I want to be.

Throughout the day though I was in the mood to listen to some Ramsey Solutions personalities and their shows which include my 3 favorite podcasts right now; EntreLeadership, Ken Coleman Show, and Business Boutique. I went in looking for inspiration for making the decision of writing a book based around my experience and their influence and they touched on a lot of great subjects like the Proximity Principal, doing what you were created for, and how your daily habits can affect your success and the overall happiness of your life. Listening to Ramsey Solutions content, for me, is the equivalent of Sunday morning church. I am not religious but they do tap into my spirituality despite their religious beliefs, which is almost convincing enough to get me to believe in God again- almost. I won’t give over control of my life over to some omnipotent, all-knowing, judgemental being, I will however gracefully accept their enlightened teachings and apply them to my life.

So while battling a plethora of ideas, feelings, inspiration, and realizations, the weather decided to turn. It started out with light and fluffy snow, nothing too terrible, but it didn’t help the ice leftover on the road from the day before. I groaned even though I should know better – the snow will arrive when it wants, it doesn’t care about what we want.

The end of the workday came through and I began to realize how bad the weather really was. I spent a half hour shoveling the sidewalk and trying to clear off my car and needless to say the snow was coming down faster than I could clear it. By the time I actually got to go home I wished I’d gone home sooner. I got stuck when I came to a stop in the exit of the parking lot and almost backed into some guys truck. I couldn’t see out of my back window and my front window was already icing over despite my windshield wipers being on and the heat – but probably more because it was on and melting the snow. The drive home was long, treacherous, and frustrating. I drive a tiny little Saturn that was not made to drive in these conditions. Thankfully my drive is a short one.

But the storm doesn’t end there, don’t you worry. I am a walking blizzard. I have a million different things on my mind, I want to be doing all of them at once, my personal life has been getting in the way of my professional life, my job is getting in the way of my business. Everyone and everything suddenly wants my attention and I just want to be building my dream life. I’m not discouraged, I know that where I am now will not be where I am in a year or even two years. I’m not frustrated, I can’t blame my circumstances. But I am aware. I am awake, conscious, and knowledgable about my situation and am doing everything in my power to do my best. That means some days will be better than others. I have to tackle one challenge at a time, one day at a time.

I survived the blizzard both in my head and in real life and I can say I only ever want to do one of them again. Can you guess which one?

Today is a day for the History Books

January 29, 2019

I don’t even know where to begin other than, today was a great day! Matter of fact, today was awesome! After spending so much time building and investing in my new business I have finally managed to find some new paying clients and corresponded more with the ones I’ve already worked with. I announced my business on Facebook and really just embraced that this could be a real paying job, now I just need to get really good at it and make $30,000+ in a year – which is almost 3,000 a month! I am a long way from working from the comforts of my own home, getting paid to do something that I love doing, and never “working” a day in my life again. But! I am so much closer to a better future than I could have imagined.

I get to work with amazing people who are really putting their heart and soul into their work. I get to read and give feedback and opinions. And I get to polish people’s work. There is literally nothing better than taking someone with so much potential and making it shine.

I took on a variety of new clients, mostly in the form of book reviews but you know what, sometimes that’s all I need to get my foot in the door and start building a relationship. And its been my most successful service yet! And when I finally round off with my final service that is in the works, I could really start building an amazing career for myself. I want so bad for it to happen today, right now, but damn me if life has other plans for me – like paying my bills.

Note to self: you are playing a long game, not a short one.

King Arthur Fanfiction

One of my favorite hobbies is a fanfiction story that I started after watching King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017), directed by Guy Richie. It was a curious representation that left a lot to the imagination – the mage didn’t even get a real name! I took advantage of the open-ended story that was destitute to never see the theaters again and picked up where it left off, literally. My beginning scene is Arthur showing the kingdom his sword. The story continues with an original character and some creative licensing, we follow him and his potential love interest as Arthur settles in as King and his love interest is faced with a familial catastrophe.

Forty-Five chapters in with an average of 1000 words per chapter, I can proudly boast a solid 45,000 words into this novel, I have managed to develop quite a loving following. With 127K chapter views (views per chapter cumulative), I can safely say my reach and following has beyond exceeded my expectations. I can probably credit that to being one of the first people to start a fanfiction very shortly after the movie came out (I literally started it the night after I watched the movie for the first time), and one of the only people whose story is near completion. That alone boggles my mind.

Throughout writing this story I have often wondered when I will give up on it completely and decide that completing books just isn’t for me, but since launching my business, I am even more determined to finish something that I have started. It also helps when I have amazing fans who are still reading and finding my story every day and telling me they love my writing. They LOVE my writing!

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This is just a few screenshots from two different chapters, one at the beginning and another a little further in. If you read my story on Wattpad – here – You can see all the comments other readers have left. Wattpad’s inline commenting system really changed how readers can communicate with author’s and each other. More than once throughout my story will I get the same response from multiple readers on the very same scene. Seeing their collective reactions, especially on scenes I may not have thought were very special has not only been confidence boosting but motivating and exciting as well. Receiving comments and support on my story has allowed me to connect with people in a unique way, one that never would have been possible without Wattpad.

 

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The new King has been crowned and is now peacefully running the kingdom. The city of Camelot is thriving under the new rule and many are beginning to wonder when the King will find himself a wife. All the women are fantasizing about being royalty, but only one girl stands a chance.

Lucy is a simple seamstress with few desires other than taking care of her sister and living contently. She has no expectations of receiving the King’s affections, even after an earth stopping moment shared between the two. After a series of unexpected events that brings the two together, Lucy is presented with a situation beyond anything she could have imagined, revealing that there is much to the story than what meets to the eye.

***Disclaimer: This Arthur is based off the 2017 movie interpretation, which may be different from the TV show Merlin and more traditional interpretations of the9 character. I encourage you to give it a try anyway because the story is much more of a original interpretation than it is fan based.

*** P.S. This is a rough draft, revisions are being planned for when this draft is finished.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.

In Memoriam: Bill “Papa” Beskar

January 13th, 2019

Today we say hello, and tomorrow we say goodbye – Papa you will be missed. Death is different for everyone and we all process in our own ways, so this is mine. A written account of a man I will never forget.

His passing was rather unexpected, starting with a stroke on Christmas day which lead to his eventual death on New Years’ Eve day. From the moment I received that phone call, my perception of the future changed. Suddenly I realized that someone who always was there for me, for his family, friends, and his business, was gone. I had lost quite a few people throughout the year and even in my life, but nothing quite shook my foundation as this.

Looking back I remember a man who was passionate, loving, and happy. Very rarely was he angry about anything, he always wore a smile, and loved to joke around. One of my earliest memories with him was him joking with my sister and me so much that he had to call a truce. Well, I didn’t know what a truce was at the time and didn’t believe him that it was a real word. It surely didn’t sound real in my mind. He then proceeded to teach me about the word and had to prove it was indeed real. But that was just the kind of guy he was.

What I cherish the most about him was how unconditional his love was to his family. He loved my grandmother dearly and showed it all the time. He always celebrated her birthday and mothers day with her. Together they were the happiest couple on the holidays, rarely did they fight. I never doubted that they were meant to be together.

They never had kids of their own, but he loved hers as if they were his. I remember when I found out that my dad’s biological father had died when my dad was a teen, my sister and I refused to believe he wasn’t our real grandpa because to us he was. He was the first person to teach me that blood does not define family, but rather love does. My grandparents, my cousins, and my sister are really the only family I have cared about for a long time, and of all of them, I am only related to my sister by half-blood. (My family tree is a bit complicated and chaotic.)

Going forward all I can do is be grateful for the time we had with him and the love he gave us. I couldn’t have asked for a better grandfather, father, husband, uncle, friend, and businessman. He touched many people’s lives and was loved dearly by many. The world is a bit darker without him, but I have faith that he will be born again.

For my family and I, we will mourn and grieve; live and celebrate; recognize and remember. Life will go on, but not without its changes. Being strong will one day get easier, but for now, we will lean on each other as we get through this dark time.

Rest in Peace Papa, for one day we will meet again.

With Much Love,

Becka